On Screaming, Children, and Politics

Allison Hrabar, a DOJ paralegal and a member of the Democratic Socialists of America was among the group that accosted the Secretary of Homeland Security earlier this week and screamed at her while she attempted to eat dinner in a restaurant.  Hraber stated, “It feels really good to confront people who are actually responsible, which is what we have a unique opportunity to do in D.C.”  Sadly, this statement reveals much about the approach of many towards the responsibilities and problems of adult life.

“It feels good.”  Look at that statement.  It is not about constructively discussing an issue with others holding varying positions and viewpoints.  It is a self-centered statement.  It is not about productively presenting one’s views to another or about working productively to change a policy or law with which one doesn’t agree.  It is about confrontation and how that makes the confronter feel good.

Since Trump was elected many who favored another candidate or just didn’t want to see him as president have engaged in a perpetual temper tantrum.  In part, this is ginned up by opposition and establishment leaders who need soldiers in their fight against Trump and his threat to their power.  But it also reflects the sad state of the mind and maturity of many in this country, not to mention a lack of education about how our country works.

Throwing a temper tantrum makes a child feel better.  Tantrums and screaming are how children, who (appropriately developmentally) are self-centered,  show they are upset or frustrated, often because they cannot get something or do something that they want.  “Tantrums are common during the second year of life, a time when language skills are starting to develop. Because toddlers can't yet say what they want, feel, or need, a frustrating experience may cause a tantrum.” (https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/tantrums.html)

With only developing language and reasoning skills, a tantrum is the only way young children know to deal with a frustrating situation.   “As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.”  The part of the brain that regulates emotion and controls social behavior should begin to mature about age four.  Additionally, the often irrational outbursts result from the fact that toddlers and preschoolers think magically, not logically.  This results in confusion and fear of events that are understandable to adult minds but not to children. The heightened arousal that this anxiety creates results in the child screaming or throwing a tantrum  (https://www.parenting.com/article/toddler-temper-tantrums). 

Tantrums are developmentally appropriate for young children.  They are not, however, appropriate in adults.   By the time they are 8 or 9, most children have learned to otherwise deal with the strong tantrum causing emotions.  When tantrums continue past the appropriate developmental age, it is either because the behavior is being rewarded or because there is a problem with the child’s development of the skills of impulse control as well as negotiation, problem solving and communication skills  (https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/why-does-my-child-still-have-temper-tantrums).

I think there is a clear correlation between the behavior exhibited by many anti-Trump folks and a child’s temper tantrum.  These protestors are so overwhelmed by emotion that they can’t think. They seem self-centered, making everything about them. They are unable to have a rational adult dialog in which they discuss facts and issues.  So, they scream.  They shout down opposing views rather than respond and hold a dialog with those who disagree with them.  They end conversations by name-calling.  They simply cannot handle those who do not hold their views – like a child throwing a tantrum when mom says “no” they scream at anyone who disagrees.  Just like the toddler who is incapable of having a rational discussion with mom, these political screamers seem incapable of having a rational conversation about any issue with more than one viewpoint.

I don’t know why this is, but I have a few guesses.  First, I think we have a number of people who are used to always getting what they want.  In that sense, they are like spoiled children and when told no, they scream.  But, why not instead respond by opening a dialog to understand the viewpoint that is contrary to theirs?  I think because the education in critical thinking and problem solving is sadly lacking.  A number of people in this country seem incapable of understanding and evaluating facts; and, they seem incapable of separating fact from opinion.  When rational and logical thinking skills are under-developed, one will operate by emotion.   Add to all this the fact that many in this country have very little understanding of our country’s history or its government and how and why that government works. 

All of this can be used to the advantage of one who wants to create turmoil.  With little understanding of our government, with little capacity to critically think about issues, and with hearty emotions without a mature impulse control, it is easy to use emotional propaganda to incite what essentially amounts to a tantrum. 

I understand why those who are focused primarily on their own power find it useful to encourage these tantrums.  But I am so very troubled that this has become a predominant form of expression in this country.  Even those who should be our leaders have fallen to this unproductive and often destructive form of expression. 

In the past week we have seen many examples of childish behavior.  For example, the leader of the House Hispanic Caucus, Michelle Lujan Grisham, led her group to scream until blue in the face outside a meeting in which the president was attempting to resolve the border crisis.   She said this was the most important issue in her history as a legislator.  Yet, instead of attempting to address the problem productively with dialog and through legislation, she chose to simply scream.   Name calling (another childish coping behavior) has become almost the norm as leaders, entertainers, and just common folk hurl obscenities at the president, his family, and members of his administration.  The famous who launch obscenities are cheered by their peers as well as their followers.  Threats made to kidnap the president’s son and leave him with pedophiles, to rape the Secretary of Homeland Security, to kill and rip out the hearts of ICE agents are among just a few of the very troubling assaults that this week alone seem to have gone unnoticed or excused. 

When a 2 year old throws a tantrum I can ignore it knowing she will grow out of it.  I cannot ignore such behavior when it comes from alleged adults.  It will not stop unless we all refuse to encourage and accept it.  We must find a way to teach these screamers that: 1. They are likely being used by those who actually care very little about the screamers’ emotional issue, but are instead using the emotions in their own campaigns to retain or return to their own power; and, 2. That the screamers’ emotional position may indeed be valid and have a place in a discussion on an issue, but that discussion must take place in an adult and rational manner in which people with varying positions listen to one another and rationally problem solve toward a solution.

Please, screamers, stop screaming.  Use the ability that exists within your mind and think.  Listen to others, take time to research and evaluate facts before forming an opinion and then actually have a mature and rational dialog with someone holding a differing viewpoint.  Listen to their opinions and the rationales for them and try to understand that issues can have many possible and reasonable solutions, that those holding views alternate to yours are not the enemy, and that mature adults can discuss these things without name calling and can problem-solve with one another to reach good compromises.  This is what we used to do in this country and I pray that we begin doing it again.