Misogyny and Responsibility (or lack thereof)

In the news recently was Hillary Clinton’s statement that misogyny played a role in her loss to President Trump.  This would seem to be her latest scapegoat, and, while it would be easy to spend this entire post talking about her and her list of the many blameworthy people or ideas that she asserts caused her loss, what I want to talk about is, more generally, the inability of so many today to take responsibility.  Hillary and her lengthening list of blame is a prime example of someone who cannot do that – cannot admit that she herself may have been responsible, at least in part, for her loss.

Sadly, this type of behavior is not uncommon.  Whatever is wrong, whatever failures one has, seem to be most frequently proclaimed to be the fault of someone else.  Whatever happened to being able to say something like, “yes, it was me, I messed up”?  Is everyone so afraid to admit that they are not perfect, but simply human?  Think about how many times you have heard someone whose job application has been rejected place the reason for the non-hire onto some sort of discrimination against themselves (They didn’t want a woman; they didn’t want a person of color; they wanted a person of color; they had to hire a woman; they wanted someone with different political views; they wanted someone older, I was too old for them, etc., etc.). It is far rarer to hear someone take some personal responsibility (I didn’t really prepare well for the interview; my abilities really didn’t match those of the person hired; etc.). 

Similar blame/failure to take responsibility is seen in more abstract situations and as a motivating force behind many activist movements, especially those based on identity.  The women’s movement blames men; minority movements blame whites or white privilege; people not living the life they would like to lead blame those who are; Republicans blame Democrats and vice versa, etc., etc. 

All this blaming reveals and results in several problems.  One is that it is divisive.  When one’s own failure is made the fault of someone else, that someone else becomes the “bad guy,” someone to dislike or even hate.  That dislike and hatred builds into anger, a very destructive emotion.  When groups of people build an anger against another group, not only is there very little likelihood of understanding, there is also a strong likelihood of developing a mob mentality that is totally incapable of seeing the individuality of the people within the groups.  Again, this sort of thinking is destructive.

A second problem is that when one blames others rather than taking responsibility for their own acts, they do not have the motivation to look within themselves and consider how they can improve.  Hence, they are much more likely to repeat the same failures and never succeed to their goal.  The same is true of the many activist movements: if they simply base their movement on blame and hatred of some other group they are less likely to take the actions necessary to actually improve their own situation.  Moreover, rather than empowering the group’s members, such approach demeans them by sending the message that the members themselves are incapable of success. 

If we are to grow as people and as a nation, if we are to reach whatever goals we may have, the first step is to take responsibility for our actions and, when our steps falter, when we fail, we must accept responsibility for that failure.  Then, we must self-assess, not blame; we must consider how we can do it better next time, take the action necessary to improve, and move forward.  Then, when we succeed, we can take responsibility for that success as well.

So, back to Hillary Clinton.  To her, and to the many like her who play the blame game, I say, “grow up, put on your big girl pants, and take responsibility.”  And, to the many movements based on identity and blame I say, “Look to what you yourselves can do to improve your situation, rather than building anger against and hatred for those on the outside; empower, rather than demean those within your group.”  

I am not sure why taking responsibility is such a difficult task today.  Perhaps it stems from the coddling that begins with things like every child must get a prize so that no one's feelings are hurt. Perhaps it stems from a fear of competition.  Perhaps it stems simply from an insecure need to be perfect.  Regardless of the why, it is time for individuals and society to stop the blame game and become accountable.  Such accountability, self-awareness, and individual responsibility are, I believe, among the necessary ingredients for the better society that so many are seeking.