Is This Really What You Meant To Say?

"Michelle and I have been disgusted by the recent reports about Harvey Weinstein. Any man who demeans and degrades women in such fashion needs to be condemned and held accountable, regardless of wealth or status."

This statement came nearly a week after the Weinstein allegations first appeared and so we can assume that there was plenty of thought put into its crafting.  Yet, note the qualifier about the demeaning and degrading acts: “Any man who demeans and degrades women in such fashion…” Does this mean that there is some “fashion” – some time, place, or manner – in which it is acceptable to demean and degrade women?  That is what this sentence implies.

In a world where the media loves to play gotcha with every word and phrase spoken or tweeted by the president or his supporters, I hope that someone will pay some attention to this phrasing.  Not because it came from the former president or from a Democrat, but simply because of what it says. 

This phrasing says so much about so many things in our society.  First, its delay suggests that it needed to be carefully crafted so as to hit just the right tone and not offend the wrong people while at the same time showing disgust at something the majority and the media have pronounced to be disgusting.  This makes one wonder how sincere is the disgust itself.  Is it something that comes from the heart, or simply from an understanding of what is good for one’s political career or what one is expected to say?

That the qualifier phrase was not caught by the writers (I assume there were several) or the issuers of the statement suggests that demeaning of women is so accepted or ingrained in our society that one does not even notice such things.  It takes something truly shocking for many to even notice that women were demeaned, and even then it is only the shocking behavior that is perfunctorily condemned.

Such disgusting behavior is seen across the spectrum of our society, from those with all political views.  The Weinstein incidents probably should not be so shocking since they come from someone who is a part of the Hollywood culture; that is the culture that gives us a plethora of visual images of such degradation in our movies and on our personal TVs and media devices.  And yet those images reflect our culture, for Hollywood primarily gives us what we want – what sells.  Perhaps we should give some thought to why this is so popular with the masses.

The Obama statement does go on to say, “And we all need to build a culture -- including by empowering our girls and teaching our boys decency and respect -- so we can make such behavior less prevalent in the future."  Yes, we do need to build a culture filled with decency and respect, not to make such behavior less prevalent, but to make the inner characters of every person in that culture not inclined toward such behavior.  That is, behavior is an external, superficial reflection of what is within one’s soul.  It is not until we change that inner character that we can change the behavior that is its reflection.  And that character is something that some “we” does not just place upon us like some cloak; it begins with each child and the values they are taught in their homes.

Now I also note something else about the phrasing of this sentence.  It tells us “we” need to empower our girls.  That sentence says not only that girls are not powerful, but that their power comes from without rather than from within; that is, it implies that it is someone else’s job (whoever that “we” is) to empower them.  This image is itself demeaning.  I’m sure it was not intended in that way, at least not at a conscious level, but there it is, nonetheless. (And, since the statement came from both Barack and Michelle, we can’t forget Michelle’s recent statements implying that women are told what to think by men and that they all must think and act alike, with no mind of their own or ability to form diverse political thoughts and positions). 

Demeaning and degrading can take many forms.  I am happy to see outrage (even if late coming and even if perhaps not sincere) at the recognizably demeaning behaviors of Weinstein.  But I would be happier still if we paid more attention to the subtle and daily barrage of activities and words that present and perpetuate views that demean women, that suggest that they are somehow lesser in some way than men, that suggest that they need someone other than themselves to help them in one way or another to survive. 

We as individuals and as a society need to find that decency and respect, for women and for everyone, within ourselves and within our souls.  We all need to be alert to the many subtle messages that we hear and see, and to those that we ourselves send, that further a culture devoid of any decency or respect not for just women but for all our fellow human beings (for, if we truly believe that women are equal, then they are among all those human beings that we must respect, not needing of extra help, but simply of the same decency that everyone should expect).

So, let us say what we mean and mean what we say.  And let us challenge those who say something that, whether intended or not, furthers a culture that is demeaning to women.  Let us not be afraid to ask, “Is that really what you meant to say?”