I have been wondering what has been bothering me about the #MeToo campaign. Certainly it is not the fact that it is bringing to light the number of people who have been or believe they have been the subject of some form of harassment. Certainly it does not bother me that this may bring about some form of dialog about how we do and how we should respect one another as individuals. So, what is it then that troubles me?
The problem with the #MeToo trend is first, that it is just that: a popular trend (more about that below). The second and more troubling aspect is that this trend seems to create and then celebrate victimhood. Yes, the (mostly) women who are posting or tweeting or just shouting “me too” suffered some form of harassment or assault and so are indeed a victim. But, if we think that just saying “me too” is enough, then aren’t we actually saying that it’s just fine to be a victim? And, the fact that this seems to be a socially popular trend is making it not only OK, but indeed popular to be a victim.
Harassment and assault are serious. The focus should be on the crime and the violation as well as the demeaning disrespect that such acts reflect. And, if we are going to identify individuals, shouldn’t the focus be on the who that perpetrated the act rather than on the me who became the victim?
I realize that there are a variety of reasons why an individual who suffers some form of harassment choses to or to not come forward. These are very personal incidents and the decisions that each victim makes about their aftermath and how to handle it is also very personal. I do not condemn those who choose to keep it hidden, nor do I condemn those who choose to make the incident public or to bring charges against the perpetrator.
But what I do find troubling is that so many have suddenly jumped onto the “me too” bandwagon, that regardless of when their “me too” incident occurred they have suddenly chosen to proclaim that they are victims. But victims of what? The “me too” is the proclamation of the rape victim, but also of someone who has been whistled at while walking down the street. Are these really the same? Do we want them to be? Because what we seem to be doing is simply creating a giant class of victims, of people who are proud to proclaim their victimhood and be done. Are we really going to have any sort of meaningful dialog about this when the point seems to only be to say what huge number of people can post “me too”? And those who post the phrase are now part of the fashionable group upon which others will focus attention and sympathy until the next exciting news story comes along (perhaps this is their 15 minutes of fame).
None of this solves the underlying problem that creates the ability of so many to post “me too.” That, alone, is not good. But what is dangerous is that it glorifies victimhood. Moreover, it just seems to be another short act in the series of superficial acts and outrages that almost pass as entertainment today. And this seems to cheapen and further demean the very real claims and hurt of those who can claim “me too.” Social media or the news media or some other similar force starts a trend and all the trendy people jump on board. (I am not saying that everyone who in this instance posted “me too” was doing so just to be trendy; I realize that for some even that proclamation was deeply troubling as it recalled seriously hurtful incidents). The trends don’t last long, boredom or over-indulgence sets in, and so the masses move on to the next subject of hysteria.
What we need instead, and certainly in regard to the underlying culture that allowed so many to have a “me too” event in their life, is a real consideration and discussion of the issue. In this case, why do so many men seem to feel that it is OK to treat women in a demeaning and disrespectful manner? Are some women overly sensitive to or resentful of what others might see as normal flirtations? Do men also suffer similar forms of disrespect, in the workplace or elsewhere? Are behaviors sometimes misinterpreted? Is the victim always blameless, and, if not, should that matter? Do people sometimes use their victimhood as an excuse? These are all uncomfortable questions, but ones that should be part of any discussion. But, beyond these questions which focus on the currently newsworthy harassing behavior towards women are the even deeper questions that should be part of any conversation. Questions such as: why do people not respect one another’s humanity? What causes some people to believe they have a right to demean others, or to believe that they are in some way superior with an accompanying right to take advantage of those they see as inferior? Why do some who are demeaned feel that they must keep it hidden; why do they fear coming forward with their complaint?
The underlying causes of the “me too” posts are complicated and cannot be solved in a day or a week or even a year. But what we could do, rather than just making it trendy to claim victimhood and move on, is to open the discussion, teach those who are victims that they have both rights and power beyond victimhood and help them to overcome that victimhood. I wish for a day when no one would have cause to post “me too”; but, until that day comes I would like to see people encouraged not to claim victimhood but instead be empowered and encouraged to find both the inner and outer strength and courage to proclaim “I have overcome.”
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